DESIRES OF THIS PASTOR

What if every pastor and every church leader would come clean about their secret desires, whether these desires sound spiritual or not? We as preachers, pastors and church leaders, especially we who have come into our elder years, seemingly cannot express our personal wants and desire because people will get offended.

After examining my own life as an individual I have found that after 11 ½ years as a successful UPCI Evangelist and 12 ½ years as a UPCI pastor and now a senior pastor, I have uncovered so much about myself that I did not even understand. A part of this process has involved me being honest with myself about what I truly desired as a human being. This process that I have gone through has made me really wonder if more preachers, pastors and church leaders do not have these secret desires hidden in their hearts, also. Here is the list of some major things that I as a senior Pastor now would love to have fulfilled in my personal life:

I desire a best Pastor friend that I could talk to openly

Even before I became a preacher of this great gospel I loved to go to church services, conferences camp meetings and the likes. Since I have been in the ministry full time I tried to prove my friendship to those in the ministry by supporting the many projects for these other ministers and to attend all of the conferences that they held. Yes for a period of a few years, I was a conference junkie, I did not miss anything. I would support all of their projects and their different mission projects. I really thought I had made many good friends in the ministry.

It was not until just a couple years or so ago I woke up to the realization that these preachers and pastors were only my friends because I attended their conferences and I supported their projects. I also have realized each of these conferences have an agenda, they were bringing in the same preachers and teachers year after year, I was hearing the same voices and I was supporting their missions and giving to their causes and I really did not have a friend among them.

I did mix and mingle with these great men and women and began to get mixed signals from them. I decided to some smaller programs at my church and got my wonderful congregation involved in overseas missions. When I approached all of these preachers with our mission projects and when I invited them to our little events no one showed up and no one sent any support. I learned quickly everything was about them. I and my local church have spent thousands on the projects of these preachers, pastors and their churches but only one sent us a tiny small offering and no one joined us as they had promised, for the massive crusade we did overseas.

I have awakened now, in my elder years to find I have many good ministerial acquaintances. They are kind to me when I am with them, but they only call me when they need something, most of the time for an offering or money for their projects. I love to give to the work of God and the cause of missions. But I am tired of doing it for these men who have a personal agenda. Yes, I have awakened to the fact that these preachers and pastors are only my friend for what they can get from me. I have awakened to the fact in the Pentecostal ranks I have very few real friends in the ministry; and I have many preacher and pastor acquaintances. This saddens me to awaken to this realization this morning. It saddens me to know that we live our life mixing and mingling with brethren of like precious faith that we really cannot talk to because everyone has an agenda.

More than anything that I am aware of at this moment, and I am convinced of is that most preachers and pastors are in need of a dear friend, not just a bunch of egotistical acquaintances.

I am tired of this fake system of accountability that keeps up a false appearance of friendship and love among us. I am of the opinion that a real friend or two who can be trusted as we share from the depths of our being is so needed among us. If a preacher or pastor is struggling with something, they need to talk to someone that will not destroy them or their ministry. We each need someone who will get in our face but not throw us under the bus and devour us with others. That is what I call a friend.

I desire financial security as a pastor

I believe there is something in the heart of a man that wants to provide for his wife and household. When a man or a lady answers the call of God to communicate the Gospel or lead a church that does not erase the deep desire to love, protect, and provide.

My first full-time job in ministry as a UPCI Preacher was that of an Evangelist. It really saddens me now to look back and realize the Pastors as a whole (not everyone) of this great organization treated me as a second rate preacher. Treated me as though I was a threat to them or that I was seeking their position and if the church they were pastor liked me and my ministry the revival was shut down because the pastors were so intimidated.

I traveled fulltime with my wife and we lived in a travel trailer for 11 ½ years as a UPCI Evangelist. For that duration of time I made just enough money to get me from one location to another with no extras. I actually made an average of $12,000.00 a year for that period of time. This is the reason that NCUPC takes care of evangelist and missionaries the way we do today. I have had wonderful experiences as an evangelist, but I would hate to depend on my UPCI brethren today, as a whole we are still neglecting the needs of the evangelist and missionaries who preach among us.

I have been pastoring now for 12 ½ years and am now the senior pastor of the church I pastor. I am so appalled at the fashion that our small UPCI churches have been set up and structured with very little respect or concern with the financial needs of the pastor and for that matter the church. It has taken me 8 years to restructure the finances of this local group so as to fulfill the church obligations and to also take care of my needs as a pastor. Even to date my personal needs are secondary to the whole of this wonderful group of people. It seems that the people deem me as a hired hand with no benefits and there is no concern about my future wellbeing. I am doing everything in my power to change this congregation to have respect and concern for the next pastor that follows me, as pastors we do need to feel financially secure.

I desire respect as a pastor

I am so distraught by the disrespect that I find among the saints of God today. (This is not to say that everyone in the church is disrespectful.)

So many treat us as pastors as hirelings and try to dictate what we can preach and cannot preach. When we do preach the Word of God as it is given to us, these people tell us we are picking on them or all but calling their names out over the pulpit. The things they write to us in letters, emails and on face-book are so appalling it literally frightens me for them when I read these things. So many speak to us as pastors with such utter disrespect and such animosity, anger and hatred and it is so hard to sit by and listen to these words being spewed out before the other saints.

As a pastor it is my calling to lead them and feed them the Word as God gives it to me thru His leading. I am to do everything in my power to guide them with the Truth of His Word. His Word is to inspire them, to correct them but when the Word is preached and it convicts them they become vehement and strike out against the man of God with vengeance and hatred. David said, “Touch not mine anointed, and do my prophets no harm.”

I have watched some who come to the church I pastor act so prayerful and spiritual, but never contribute one iota of praise or worship to the Lord. All they do is criticize our music, singing, praise, worship and even my preaching. They attend other churches and come tell me how wonderful the praise and worship is over at the other church and the preaching is dynamic. All the while they never contribute one little bit while in our services. These same people criticize every new thing that is tried in our local church, but turn and brag about the great changes taking place elsewhere.

I have no real desire to be well known or even a popular preacher but I do want to be respected in my profession, among my peers and in the church that I pastor. I have always wanted the people that I pastor to respect me as their spiritual leader. I have always wanted the people in these communities in which I labor to respect me as a man of God. I have also had a deep desire for the rest of the church world to respect my position as a God called minister of the gospel.

I do understand there is a fine line between seeking the approval of people and wanting to simply be respected for what one is doing. As I look back on my 7 ½ years as the pastor and now the senior pastor of the local congregation I am now pastoring, I think it is a healthy desire to want respect, if not for me at least for the position I hold.

                              

Tuesday, May 08, 2012